Almost every time I step outside these days and feel the breeze, see the stars, grass, or mountains, I feel a presence of God. It often drives me to want to move. Through movement and physically challenging myself outside, I feel like I am a part of something much bigger than myself. I feel this amazing sentimental attachment to the rocks I climb, and I marvel at the boulders, cliffs, and handholds as if they are a sculpture by an unrivaled artist. When I move my body to climb the rock, it almost feels as if the rock is teaching me the moves to a dance... every climb having its own unique choreography; some light and beautiful, others aggressive, powerful, and sometimes frightening. I love how it smells so good and how nature is often so pristine, but also dirty, dangerous, and asymmetrical. I do get really angry out there at times, I even have yelled out sonnets of unfriendly words at God when I've gotten stuck in a blast-furnace headwind or freezing rain. But at the end of the day, the passion and imperfection of the whole experience just makes me crazy for more.
I realize that this movement and dance with the natural world I get to experience connects me to something fundamental about how God made me... with ability to move and sense nature. The passion I feel challenging myself in the natural world is unrivaled by anything I ever experienced in church, and I often wonder how many people are like me. For years, they try to make themselves feel a connection to God in church but always feel a bit off-kilter. They wonder how it is that others* love the singing, sermons, and Bible verses. In their own thoughts, they daily question whether God is real because they secretly feel as though they have never actually encountered Him in a way that they can understand. They await miracles... will them to happen to confirm God's existence, but always come up short. To them, church feels like a game of pretend, but they stick with it. They talk the talk to be accepted because there is nowhere else to go. Eventually, some do leave, and sometimes they leave God behind when they go.
I remember when I was a regular church goer**, I used to experience a great deal of fear and guilt over my inability to "share my faith" with "non-Christians". I was awkward when I tried, but now I can unashamedly say that there is something in the fabric of nature that awakens something in the fabric of me. I can't fully describe it, but I love it. Without giving it a second thought, without the need for philosophy and theology, I call it God and start talking to it. It makes me want to let go of resentment and guilt and just live. It makes me want to share it with other people. It gives me confidence that helps me be a better person.
So I guess my question is... what awakens something in you? Acting, science, building??? May I propose that it is God interacting with you in a way that is truly special for you? Do you feel your problems and resentments shrink away as you do it? Whether you think I'm nuts or not, I suppose it's worth considering. I sure think it's neat.
*It is important for me to emphasize that I have known many people who I fully believe experience and interact with God through the happenings in church.
**It is also important for me to note that I desire to be connected with a church, it's just I can't seem to avoid ending up confused and depressed as a consequence of the common church songs and sermons.
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